Three Fair Fighting Tools
When we get into an argument with our closest companion, the rules of how to communicate or how to avoid making things worse, seem to fly out the window. We all think we are right (at least part of the time), and we want to get our chance to talk.
So, here are three suggestions that may help in times of need.
- Listening well is the first and most important communication tool, and the first rule of any dispute.
Listening takes focus. It requires being quiet, making eye contact, giving verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate we are listening. With each statement from the speaker, we all want to jump in and let them know we disagree. Just stop and listen.
2. Use ‘I’ statements. When we use the pronoun ‘you . . . ‘ the other person tends to become defensive. Instead, try saying what you feel: “I feel hurt.” Rather than attack: “You are so mean.” Keep the focus on communication.
3. Stay focused on the current issue. Too often the past gets brought up, then the argument turns into a blame fest. The current issue gets lost in the weeds. Thus turning the disagreement into another issue from the past never discussed, negotiated or solved. Keep the current issue front and center.
Good luck using the three tools.