Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Core Beliefs
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves or parts of ourselves. Value is often culturally determined. That is, in some cultures it is valuable to have a college education, and in others it is valuable to be an active member of the social structure of the town or village. How we physically look, perform at work or school, or our financial net worth are a few of the parts of ourselves we and others judge. Of course, there are subcultures within every culture, and these subcultures place somewhat different value on one part or another.
So, self-esteem is usually reflective of the culture we live within, the people we associate with, our age, our religion, and so forth. We may feel positive about our school performance, but not be as positive about how we play basketball. We may mostly like how we look, but not like the color of our hair. You get the point.
What is Self-Worth?
According to F. Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled, self-worth is different from self-esteem. In his view, self-worth is more stable and it is based on the core values/beliefs we ascribe to and live by. If we live up to our core beliefs we build our self-worth. For example, we may have a core belief that we are a good hard working employee, but when our boss gives us a “needs improvement” review our self-esteem may take a dive for a while. Our stable self-worth, on the other hand, may help us repair our self-esteem by motivating us to improve. Peck believes that we must sometimes sacrifice our self-esteem to build our self-worth. For example, if we desire the approval of a particular person yet resist their influence to behave in a manner contrary to our core beliefs, we have built our self-worth but temporarily sacrificed our self-esteem by losing the approval of the valued other.
What are Core Beliefs?
We were all raised by someone, in some place, and how those people behaved and treated us as young children began the building blocks of our core beliefs, our self-worth, and our self-esteem. As time passes we add and subtract from our childhood learning, and by adulthood we can usually state what our core beliefs are. Our sense of self-worth is well established, and our self-esteem is more or less stable. Similar to self-esteem, core beliefs are culturally influenced.
Core beliefs are those values we feel are important. Core beliefs reflect who we think we are. Some examples of core beliefs are: Importance of family, relevance of religious beliefs, being good citizens of a country, a basic sense of how we treat other people, our ideas of dependency and independence, the value of maintaining good health, and so on.
What is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is having a generally negative view of yourself. If you are often critical about your behavior, your looks, or how you think, you may have low self-esteem. We all judge ourselves at times, but when that judgement is habitual and shows up in many parts of our life low self-esteem may be the cause.
As noted above, how and who raised us shapes to a large degree how we feel about ourselves. If we were treated with respect and given adequate love and attention, we probably have a fairly stable self-worth and self-esteem. If, on the other hand, we were frequently criticized or abused in some way, our self-worth and self-esteem may be low.
How do we improve our self-esteem?
It helps to understand what you are thinking or believing about yourself. Do you believe you are smart enough to succeed in life? Or do you put yourself down when learning is difficult. Do you decide one missed appointment means you are irresponsible?
Step One: Notice what your inner dialog says about you, and write it down.
Step Two: Notice what you expect of yourself. Notice what your unspoken rules are.
Step Three: Notice if your behavior builds or erodes your self-esteem.
Step Four: Notice if you have any thought distortions.
Step Five: Find out if you are depressed or have anxiety. Both of these disorders can erode self-esteem.
Step Six: Get a reality check. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, including you. What are these? Be realistic and honest. Ask trusted others for their opinion of your strengths and weaknesses.
Step Seven: Learn and practice mindfulness and belly breathing.
Finally, set a plan for change. If Step One needs changing because you noticed you have a lot of negative self-evaluation, begin to monitor that self-talk and change it. Take a look at what behavior you are not proud of, change it. Get help to shake off a bad habit or get treatment for an addiction. If you tend to go to the worst possible outcome, be realistic. Get counseling, read a self-help book, write about it. If you are not honest about your strengths, change it.
If any of the above feels overwhelming get some help. People go to counseling all the time for self-esteem issues. Check out other posts on this blog, and look for the ones about perfectionism, anxiety, depression . . . These may help you understand yourself better.