Conflict between people in intimate relationships can flare up for many reasons, but how people interact during that conflict may create more problems than the actual issue they are in conflict over.
The following are some typical ways couples attempt to deal with conflict.
Compromising Style
Compromise is to adjust or concede your position. At its best, compromise is a style that may work, as long as, both people are compromising. This conflict style is more likely to create acceptable solutions, and less friction. A good compromise can build a sense of teamwork and connection. However, compromising may create a tit-for-tat sort of arrangement. For the compromise to to be truly successful, the couple would be wise to also accommodate and collaborate. Compromising couples show concern for each other.
Compromising couples are more likely to feel satisfied with each other.
Power Struggle
Many couples attempt to resolve disputes through competition. Each wants their point of view to dominate. In this style someone wins and someone loses. Disagreements become power struggles. Intimate partners become opponents. Power struggles are not unusual in intimate relationships. When the style persists the frustration with the other intensifies.
Intimacy will suffer when power struggles dominate. Anger is a common feeling.
Collaborating Style
The collaborating couple use compromise and accommodation to resolve differences. The couple understands they are different people with different wants and needs. This style creates anew from the conflict. Compromise is negotiating an agreement, and collaboration is finding new ways of working together. It is the ultimate in teamwork. The collaborating style shows a high degree of concern for the other.
Collaboration builds intimacy.
Avoidance
If couples avoid conflict, tension builds as silence erodes the emotional bond. Feelings of frustration and hopelessness infect the intimacy of the couple. Disagreements are ignored, swept under the rug, and stock piled. The blame game begins.
Avoidance creates frustration, desperation, and hopelessness.
Conflict styles are often a combination of the above. Sometimes people are able to work together to find solutions, and sometimes they go into power struggles. If a particular issue is quite thorny, they may avoid it in order to preserve the peace.